A mess in transition

Blogging? What's that? Something I used to do when I had free time, you say?

Things are Cr-AZY around the Vanderhouse right now. Granted, we knew that once I got back from a work trip to Arizona, life was going to pick up, but I don't think I realized how much. With exactly two weeks from the time my flight arrived to the day my car would pull out of Raleigh, there wasn't a toooon of time to do what needed to be done, but there was enough. Right?

Wrong. Panic is beginning to set in just a wee bit. Our truck arrives Tuesday (a week from today), and I still need to pack up the guest closet, the bathrooms and the kitchen. And we need to go through the bazillion piles of stuff sitting around looking for a home.

All that would be fine and dandy, except that I seem to have created a harmful environment around me. Case in points:

1) About two weeks ago, I made the mistake of wearing heels to work for the first time in a while. This was a mistake because A) I did it on a day I had to get blood drawn so I was weak and B) because regardless of my blood levels, I tend to be on the clumsy side. Put two and two together (or is it three and three here?) and the picture you'll see is me falling out of my car after leaving the doctor's office. The initial scratch wasn't so bad - it was the bruise that covered my entire calf a few days later that freaked me out. Coupled with the post-travel massage I got, and the bruise had turned black a week later. That REALLY freaked me out. Thankfully, I seem to be rebounding, slowly but surely.

2) Speaking of rebounding from car "accidents", I wish my bumper rebounded as easily after it uhh, bumped, a telephone pole on Saturday. After the aforementioned travel last week, I rode w/ A up to the auto mechanics shop to pick up his truck. He turned my car over to me, and literally, within three seconds of sitting in the driver's seat for the first time in a week, I back up and into a telephone pole. In the parking lot of the mechanic's shop. Irony, you are a cruel mistress.

There was a lot of new bird poop on the back window that I was, unfortunately, focused on. When I stopped staring at the dung and got out to look at my bumper, I immediately burst into tears. Thankfully, my husband is a wonderful encourager and reminded me that it's just a car and hey - the back door still works.

3) Fast-forward to a few days later (aannnddd....now I have Alanis Morrisette in my head), and I'm in bed, trying to fall asleep and soothing my aching muscles. My legs were super-sore from yoga and zumba over the weekend, so I was laying in the middle of the bed on my stomach, with my legs stretched out like a frog behind me. Basically, I was hogging the bed - a role my husband normally plays. As he maneuvered into his spot, which was really close to my spot, somehow his elbow connected with my lip. I yelled. Blood appeared. Tears began. Did I mention I had been to the dentist that morning for some fillings and still had residual jaw pain on the SAME SIDE of my mouth?

After panicking, and rinsing my lip in a bunch of water, and getting a lot of hugs from A, I began to bawl. Big, fat tears for all the pain and frustrations and stress of the last few days and the next few weeks. I began to cry, not because my lip was that bad (although it was), but because once again, I am a mess in transition.

Although I have a history of being a bit of a clumsy, crazy mess, I thought I was growing past that phase of life. Ha. That phase is my life, I'm learning. The Lord is teaching me that this mess is me.

I can't grow so old, or move so far away, or become so mature as to not be a mess. It's what I am. It's what we all are. And while sometimes it's physically painful to be reminded of that fact, I'm learning that the most pain comes from learning that it's my spirit that is messed up. Those are the hurts that last. The bruises fade, the lips heal, hopefully the bumpers get fixed, but the mess of our hearts continues to flare up throughout our lifetime.

Thankfully, there is a cure for those of us who are a mess. It's called God's grace. His grace covers the fact that on my own, I am a mess. His grace enables the Father to look at me and see - not my screw-ups and my crazy emotions and my blunderings - but the perfect, graceful, flawless, beautiful life of Christ. So while I'm a mess in transition on this Earth, there is assurance that one day I will grow out of this phase, when I am given new life and a new body in heaven. Until then, I think I'm going to try to see these mishaps, not as wounds to my body and my stuff, but as reminders of the wound to my soul that Jesus has blessedly healed.



Chris said...

love it, lauren! thanks for sharing what God's showing you in your life!

Anonymous said...

I've been feeling like a huge mess lately. My emotions are all over the place and I feel clumsy (I have bruises that I'm not even sure where they came from! lol) and unprepared for...life. I blame pregnancy hormones all the time, but I know it's more than that. I know it's me. It's my flesh. My sin. And now I'm trying to figure out how to allow God to work in my life instead of trying to fix everything myself or sit around sulking.

Anyway, I love your blog post, friend. Thanks for sharing this insight. :-)

Michelle said...

I've missed hearing from you on the blog front, but I totally understand how you feel. Seems like you, Kristel, and I should make a "mess club" or something, as I too have been feeling like a big, emotional, unhappy-with-my-life mess. And I, too, have been blaming it mostly on hormones, but I know that it stems from a deeper root. Thank goodness there is grace for those such as us!

Praying for you as you move...I (unfortunately) know just how stressful it is!

Megan Barley said...

Thanks for sharing all this. I don't think moving is fun for anyone-there is just so much transition. Sorry for all the boo-boos (i didn't know what other word to use!) you have acquired lately.

Matt and Lindsay Bledsoe said...

You're stories are so entertaining :) I am praying for you and A. No, I will not be in maryville the weeks you will be... :( Enjoy your time there...you should go tubing!

Lauren V. said...

Thanks for all of the encouragement, friends. I appreciate it, and you all, so much! Thankful that we have a Lord who can fix our messyness and who has given me you all as friends :)

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I'm a 20-something transplanted Southerner - in love with my Savior and in love with my husband. As we move from urban-loft dwellers to home-owners and parents, feel free to share in the happenings around the VanderHouse.

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