As usual, I'm a little behind the curve. Most people did New Year's Resolutions long before they were a glimmer in my eye. In fact, most people did them YEARS ago.

I have never done New Year's Resolutions. Something about them has never appealed to me. This year though, with nothing "big" on the horizon, I feel like I ought to make some small, attainable goals. The last couple of years, I had some big milestones I was looking ahead to. I rang 2009 in in Amsterdam, doing a job I loved (but didn't appreciate fully!) knowing the upcoming year would bring with it lots of excitement (engagement, marriage!). When 2010 rolled around, I was looking forward to the first full year of marriage and figuring out what daily life together looked like. 2011 brought with it the knowledge that we were about to pack up our lives and move across the country to Colorado.

2012 thus far, holds no major milestone. Nothing life-altering is on the horizon, so this is the year, I think, to make small adjustments. Small habit changes make life changes, right?


Adjustment #1 - Work out one day a week in January. Up it to two days a week in February. (Adrian said if I keep going at this rate, but year's end I'll be up to 12 days a week. What an accomplishment.)

Adjustment #2 - Put my clothes away at bedtime. If I'm done wearing it, hang it up or throw it in the laundry.

Adjustment #3 - Spend more time in community. On Sunday, Bryan spoke about the early disciples truly getting community. We moved out here to be part of a community, but it's really hard to find the time. I'm starting to realize that in order to live life with others, it doesn't have to be hosting meals every night or calling a certain number of girls everyday. It's an adjustment, so I'm starting small by being more intentional with conversations, less structured with my "community" time and more open with relationships.

So, that's that. Start with small, manageable amounts and see what happens, right? I really just want to learn to be content and disciplined in this new year. I'm thankful for the upheavals in my life over the past several years, and I hope I can learn to be thankful and content without any upheavals this year!

What about you? Do you do resolutions, or goals, or adjustments? I'd love to know about them!

P.S. - Adjustment #4 is to get a cat ;)

I'm noticing a pattern to my life here in Denver. When we still lived in Raleigh, I blogged about the "rhythms" of life and not knowing what kind of beat our Denver life would have. To tell the truth, I don't know if there is a specific beat yet - but I'm beat.

Busy is the beat, which leaves me beat, which leave the VanderHouse messy and things not done and sleep not slept....you get the picture. On the surface, it seems as if things should be steady and sure. However, between work, church, City Group, date nights, missional outings, family and catch-up-phone calls....things remain crazy. What looked like a stable schedule has morphed into one that changes day-to-day. For example, I go in at 9, but do I actually get to leave at 6? Not usually. This week I stayed late 3 days, and worked Saturday morning. Goodbye schedule. Cooking - what should be a regular (and welcomed, relaxing) occurrence, has only happened maybe once this week. Between dinner with our City Group, date night with (a new couple) friends of ours (!) and Adrian cooking dinner because I'm not getting home until 7 or later, one of my most relaxing rituals has gone out the window this week.

I actually love coming home and making dinner for us. I get to work with my hands, create something and have a visible, tangible and tasty finished product. I like being able to stand and move around and not be sitting in front of a computer. And, let's be honest, I like being the chef instead of Adrian :) I miss cooking meals.

Walking to and from work leaves me beat too, although I'm starting to just walk 4-5 blocks to the bus and then grab it to the office. Leaves me less sweaty and frantic in the morning - a good thing all around. One day this week, there were lots of mini adventures on my walk. On my way TO the office I found an iPod Nano on the sidewalk. Judging by the kind of music playing and the 4 people who may have walked past that spot, I found the owners and returned it. On my way home, I lost a shoe and didn't realize it until a block and a half later (one of my heels had fallen out of my purse). By the time I noticed it was missing and turned around, a guy had just grabbed it from the middle of the street where it had been laying and thrown it to safety on the sidewalk. Miraculously - it had not gotten run over. Thankful for that little blessing.

Because of the late nights at work, travel (to my cousin Andy's wedding in St. Louis!) and random schedule....the house is a mess. The turtles want to eat, but in the meantime they're enjoying basking on the log Adrian set up for them. My laundry wants to go in the closet, but instead sits folded on various surfaces in the bedroom. I want sleep, but instead I woke up on MY ONE DAY OFF listening to the thumping of my neighbor's bass music through our bedroom wall....grrr.....

All in all, I'm thankful for how God is sustaining me in the midst of an exhausting period of life. I'm thankful he's given me a husband who cares for me so well and in so many ways. I'm thankful for reminders of why we do what we do. And I'm thankful that next weekend, Adrian and I will be celebrating our 2 year anniversary with a little mountain getaway. Right now, I may be most thankful for that - and the promise of extra sleep that it brings. Amen.

I wish I could come up with some clever way to say, "I'm a fair-weather blogger and I'm sorry. Please still read me? :) "

As it is, here's an update and some thoughts on life in Denver.

1) Fall is here. It is GLORIOUS. We woke up two Saturdays ago (the last before I started my job) and discovered it was only going to hit 70 degrees and there was a delicious, fall-like bite in the air. The day before, we had laid in the sunshine and played in the river in the mountains and enjoyed the end of summer. That Saturday (the 3rd of September) ushered in a new season - literally and figuratively.

2) The Tuesday after Labor Day I started my new job at Ashford University. It was exactly four years to the day that I had started at Southeastern in 2007. Although I was excited to start back to work (let's be real: to start getting paychecks again!) I was sad to see the summer go. From the end of June to the beginning of September, we had a fantastic summer. We moved out of our first home in Raleigh, spent time in my hometown, did a cross-country road-trip, found a new home in Denver, spent some time in A's hometown, hosted both of his parents and my mom (all separately) in the span of three weeks, and explored and got to know our new city. And then: work. Hello mornings, computers, offices and bosses. It had been a while. Although the transition is/was rough, it's been good and a good growing experience for me. I think the Lord is using my job to teach me self-discipline in new ways, as well as to teach me to rely on His strength and not my own.

3) Friday was the last day of training with Ashford, and although I was glad to see "real-life" start - you could not have told that by my face! I cried for a while as soon as training was over and I was on my own at my desk....I blame it on being overwhelmed and on having slept poorly most of the week. I think I freaked my new boss, my trainer and most of my teammates out. Good thing I had brought homemade brownies to bribe them into thinking I'm actually cool.

4) Sleep is becoming more and more important to me. I walk to and from the office, about 2 1/2 miles round trip, and while there, I'm being mentally challenged and stimulated. Not to mention, I get to eat lunch with A most days, as I work in the heart of downtown (where food is expensive) where he spends his mornings studying. That means lunch is no longer watching TV shows but studying with him and going over what he learned that morning.

5) I've been able to meet some fun people already through work - something I'm super-excited about. We went out for drinks after work Friday, although I did not partake. A) Vodka shots. Yuck. B) Dill pickle vodka shots. Quadruple yuck. I was not interested in that! A couple of my new coworkers came to the VanderHouse for dinner, drinks and football last night. Good times :) I'm looking forward to getting to know them and my new teammates more!

6) We have also started volunteering with a Bhutanese refugee family. As our City Group's intentional, missional project, we are mentoring this family for their first 6 months in the States. So...after work/non-drinks Friday night, A and I went to their house to help them create a budget, learn to use/fix some kitchen appliances and start them on the journey to learn English. It's also mentally tough, but exhilarating. I'm thankful the Lord has paired us with this family, and thankful for the friendships we're developing with them!

I think that's about all I have to say for now. It's been a hard, but good, few weeks. I am learning more and more about my identity in Christ, his love and grace and my response to the generosity He has shown. I'm exhausted, but thankful for how He is stretching me and deepening my faith. What's going on your world? We only have internet via my phone/tether to the computer, so I'm not as free to read blogs as I used to be!

Blogging? What's that? Something I used to do when I had free time, you say?

Things are Cr-AZY around the Vanderhouse right now. Granted, we knew that once I got back from a work trip to Arizona, life was going to pick up, but I don't think I realized how much. With exactly two weeks from the time my flight arrived to the day my car would pull out of Raleigh, there wasn't a toooon of time to do what needed to be done, but there was enough. Right?

Wrong. Panic is beginning to set in just a wee bit. Our truck arrives Tuesday (a week from today), and I still need to pack up the guest closet, the bathrooms and the kitchen. And we need to go through the bazillion piles of stuff sitting around looking for a home.

All that would be fine and dandy, except that I seem to have created a harmful environment around me. Case in points:

1) About two weeks ago, I made the mistake of wearing heels to work for the first time in a while. This was a mistake because A) I did it on a day I had to get blood drawn so I was weak and B) because regardless of my blood levels, I tend to be on the clumsy side. Put two and two together (or is it three and three here?) and the picture you'll see is me falling out of my car after leaving the doctor's office. The initial scratch wasn't so bad - it was the bruise that covered my entire calf a few days later that freaked me out. Coupled with the post-travel massage I got, and the bruise had turned black a week later. That REALLY freaked me out. Thankfully, I seem to be rebounding, slowly but surely.

2) Speaking of rebounding from car "accidents", I wish my bumper rebounded as easily after it uhh, bumped, a telephone pole on Saturday. After the aforementioned travel last week, I rode w/ A up to the auto mechanics shop to pick up his truck. He turned my car over to me, and literally, within three seconds of sitting in the driver's seat for the first time in a week, I back up and into a telephone pole. In the parking lot of the mechanic's shop. Irony, you are a cruel mistress.

There was a lot of new bird poop on the back window that I was, unfortunately, focused on. When I stopped staring at the dung and got out to look at my bumper, I immediately burst into tears. Thankfully, my husband is a wonderful encourager and reminded me that it's just a car and hey - the back door still works.

3) Fast-forward to a few days later (aannnddd....now I have Alanis Morrisette in my head), and I'm in bed, trying to fall asleep and soothing my aching muscles. My legs were super-sore from yoga and zumba over the weekend, so I was laying in the middle of the bed on my stomach, with my legs stretched out like a frog behind me. Basically, I was hogging the bed - a role my husband normally plays. As he maneuvered into his spot, which was really close to my spot, somehow his elbow connected with my lip. I yelled. Blood appeared. Tears began. Did I mention I had been to the dentist that morning for some fillings and still had residual jaw pain on the SAME SIDE of my mouth?

After panicking, and rinsing my lip in a bunch of water, and getting a lot of hugs from A, I began to bawl. Big, fat tears for all the pain and frustrations and stress of the last few days and the next few weeks. I began to cry, not because my lip was that bad (although it was), but because once again, I am a mess in transition.

Although I have a history of being a bit of a clumsy, crazy mess, I thought I was growing past that phase of life. Ha. That phase is my life, I'm learning. The Lord is teaching me that this mess is me.

I can't grow so old, or move so far away, or become so mature as to not be a mess. It's what I am. It's what we all are. And while sometimes it's physically painful to be reminded of that fact, I'm learning that the most pain comes from learning that it's my spirit that is messed up. Those are the hurts that last. The bruises fade, the lips heal, hopefully the bumpers get fixed, but the mess of our hearts continues to flare up throughout our lifetime.

Thankfully, there is a cure for those of us who are a mess. It's called God's grace. His grace covers the fact that on my own, I am a mess. His grace enables the Father to look at me and see - not my screw-ups and my crazy emotions and my blunderings - but the perfect, graceful, flawless, beautiful life of Christ. So while I'm a mess in transition on this Earth, there is assurance that one day I will grow out of this phase, when I am given new life and a new body in heaven. Until then, I think I'm going to try to see these mishaps, not as wounds to my body and my stuff, but as reminders of the wound to my soul that Jesus has blessedly healed.

Today marks the beginning of the end of one of my songs. Today is the start of the final chorus, if you will. This song of my life, though maybe not audible to anyone, is a blend of the rhythms, the patterns, that have made up my life for a long time.

Disclaimer: I once won a spelling bee in elementary school on the word "rhythm." Expect to see it a lot in this post as I continue to gloat about that win ;) 

Where was I? Oh yes - rhythms. Rhythms rhythms rhythms. These rhythms are a demarcation of time. They can span seconds or a lifetime, but we all have them. Rhythms are those little things that we do that provide the outline for our days, our weeks, our months, our years, our lives. They are those little things that become habits and patterns we fall into, and together, they blend together in a portrait of our days.

For the last four years, one of my rhythms has been waking up, rushing to get ready and walking onto the campus where I work. The rhythm of my workday has defined how time has been spent the last four years for me. This demarcation of 8-5 (or 8:30 to 5:30) at my office has been a steady beat. More recently, I have grown accustomed to the rhythm of a bedtime routine with the man I love. For a long time, Sunday mornings at church was a rhythm of my life. Over the past year or more, that rhythm has changed to sound like Saturday evenings at church. It's kind of like syncopation :)  These things are rhythms, patterns, and they make up the songs of our lives.

This time next month, those rhythms I've had will change. What is change, but a disruption in the patterns we've lived in for so long? No longer will I wake up and come into work on this campus. No longer will our bedtime rhythm have the exact same nuances. No longer will our syncopation be Saturday night church - it will change to Sunday nights. Those little traditions that we depend on to structure our days and our time and our lives will change.

Right now, we still don't know what that change will look like. We don't really have jobs (except A's contract professor thing). We don't have a place to live. We don't have a date our ReloCubes will be delivered on. We don't have a date we'll arrive in Denver. Without any rhythms to base our future off of, it sounds pretty silent to me, and silence often causes me to panic. However, Scripture teaches that it's in the silence that we are reminded that God is God. He is our creator, our sustainer, he is our treasure and prize, he is our substitute, and he is our Father. As our Father, we know he gives good gifts to his children. He is also our baseline. He is the drumline, the rhythm, the beat of the bass around which every other rhythm orders itself. My relationship with Jesus, regardless of the ebb and flow of every other rhythm in my life, should be and will be steadfast. It is that rhythm upon which we ought to base our life's songs.

So although things seem silent right now - there is a drumbeat. At this point in my life, I wish my posture was more one of excited anticipation over the rhythms certain to come, rather than anxiety at the silence settling around me. As believers in Christ, shouldn't that always be our attitude: Humble, excited anticipation at how the Master Conductor is going to fill our lives with beautiful music?

Rhythms can be and are a good thing, when properly arranged around the steady drumbeat of the gospel. I am learning, though, that when I base my existence upon those traditions, I settle into a rut that is more focused on ME than on the Conductor and the music he is creating. What rhythms do you have that keep you from hearing the Lord's rhythm for your life? How can we encourage one another to not grow complacent, but to be vigilant to orient our lives around the gospel?

I've been listening to Shane and Shane this morning, so, as I'm "sitting in this waiting room of silence, waiting for that still, soft voice I know, offering my words up to the rooftop to your heart, trusting that this closet's where you are," I'm reminded that "Sovereign Lord this time's from you. So I sit in the waiting room of silence because it's all about you."

"The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance...You make known to me that path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." - Psalm 16

Me, Teran, Ginny and Paige on Pickens Nose!

My how the time flies when you're.....really, really busy.

What? Is that not how the saying goes?

It's been over three weeks since I've posted, and that is a really long time for me. Generally, I find it pretty easy to write about myself and my life - I'm sure you've all noticed this - but isn't that what a blog is for? Lately though, I've been crazy busy, both physically and mentally. Not only have I not gotten a ton of sleep lately for being on-the-go, but I haven't had much of a mental break lately either. Life has been... interesting, and it's keeping my brain all twisted up and working hard.

So, there's my bucketful of excuses. Do you accept? Pretty please? A just read me a prayer about not seeking others' approval, so I'm not really trying to get back in your good blogging graces, buuuuut it would be nice to know we are OK :)

All that to say: I'm back in the blogosphere. We're in Florida currently for the my second time this month. This trip is INFINITELY more enjoyable for two reasons 1) I am with my husband. That makes everything better 2) On this drive, I am allowed to go to the bathroom whenever I need to - a luxury not really afforded me when traveling with a group of 18. We're here this weekend as A officiates the wedding of a friend and former teammate. It's been beautiful weather - sun, 70s and a breeze. Although we're sitting in Starbucks currently polishing his sermon, I have every intention of hitting the beach VERY soon for a wee bit of sun-worship. Ok - not sun-worship. I worship Jesus, but some serious sun enjoyment :) You know what I mean.

So with that said, here's a link (for you, Mom and Dad!) to some of my photos from the first Florida trip. I loved having my new camera and being able to get more familiar with my settings, lighting situations and movie mode. I am getting better with the technical aspects of it, so now I need to work on recovering my "eye." I've been shooting here this weekend already, so hopefully we'll be able to see some improvement soon!

Thanks for hanging with me, and hope you all have had an excellent March!

Well, it's the day after Valentine's. Dare I mention it at all? I know the concept of Valentine's is a tough pill for many to swallow - I'm pretty sure it was for me when I was single. It's funny now, on this side of marriage, how my view has changed. Before, February 14 was a day of bitterness, when I imagined all the couples were happily celebrating their love by staring adoringly into one another's eyes and feeding each other chocolate mousse (of course food was on my mind ;) and a steady diet of kisses.

Reality? It's not really like that. Of course, my husband is an incredible man, so it wasn't that the day or weekend passed unnoticed, but on this side of the altar Valentine's seems like a bit of a cop out to me. He made me funfetti brownies with frosting, and built a fort (ahem* excuse me -  a canopy bed) in our living room, and bought me Reese's hearts, and took me out for frozen yogurt at Sweet Spoons (!), but it wasn't the box of chocolates and fancy dinner and dozens of roses that culture leads you to believe define Valentine's Day. On this side of the altar, I can confidently say that when you marry someone who seeks to serve and love you well every day of the year, V-Day is fun.....but not much different than other days. We went out for Mexican (I promise - we were the ONLY couple in the restaurant, unless you count the Daddy-Daughter Date going on), I had a migraine, and we went to bed early. See? Typical.

To place so much expectation and hope on one day of the year as the day for TRUE romance is a recipe for disappointment, I'd say. When marriage and relationships are based around the gospel, we recognize that you can't go 364 days lacking love and wooing and expect that one day a year to make up for it. To pin such hopes on Valentine's Day is to crush it - and your husband - under the weight of immense pressure. When those expectations of passion and romance on February 14 aren't met, it says to me you either have seriously out of wack expectations or you have a seriously out of wack husband. Men - are you constantly loving your wives as Christ loves the church or are you expecting that one day of romance is enough to make up for a year without? Wives - are you creating huge, unattainable expectations of Valentine's Day or allowing your men to be slackers by not wooing you 365? Singles - are you bitterly viewing Valentine's Day because you don't have romantic love in your life? Jesus Christ is your husband. He longs to love and woo you FAR better than anyone can do. It's not Singles Awareness Day - it's a day to celebrate the love of the Father that he has lavished upon you in the sacrifice of his son. It's a day to celebrate the love you DO have in your life of friends and family (our man-child kind of freaked out yesterday when I wished him a happy V-Day. Seriously? Chill. We love you. Platonically. Accept it. Duh.)

Is Valentine's a huge deal for you? Why or why not? I recognize that I am often wrong and I'm entirely open to being corrected if you've found my assessment to be way off. Don't misunderstand me - I'm not saying DON'T celebrate V-Day. We certainly did. In fact, if you were bitter and didn't celebrate - our fort/canopy is still up and there are still brownies to be eaten, so come on over :) Our door is always open! With that all said - I love Jesus. I love my husband. I'm thankful that my husband recognizes that Jesus is his example of how to love me well - he does a fantastic job, 365 days a year. I'm thankful we go on dates every week and I'm thankful he made this weekend's date extra-special with the brownies and canopy and presents and fro-yo....He's a stud and an incredible Valentine. Even though I don't deserve him, I've got him, and I love it.

The old saying, "When it rains, it pours," seems fitting today. After a night filled with rain, the day dawned cold and wet, with no respite in sight for several days.

Yesterday, I had my second appointment at the dentist for some fillings. Far worse than the first, this appointment is proving to be one of the many raindrops in a storm filled with them. I recognize my culpability in scheduling the appointment in the midst of a busy time. However, I can't help but think that were it not for a swollen cheek, a constant headache and pain, the other "raindrops" that have been falling this week would not seem so significant.

If not for the pain, there would not be a propensity toward tears. If not for the pain, I would better be able to rationalize things that should be minor annoyances as nothing more than a steady drip. drip. drip. However, as it is, I'm struggling to see those things as minor when they feel so major. They feel like an onslaught of a storm against us, though in my rational head, I recognize we are all nothing more than sinners saved by grace, hurting one another and throwing ourselves on God's mercy.

For "if you, O Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be feared." If the Lord sees Jesus' work on the cross in place of MY iniquities, why do I struggle to see Jesus' work on the cross in place of others' iniquities against us? Why, O Lord, can I not recognize that others' sins against us do not compare to the sins we have committed against you?

Far be it for me to cast stones - but I do.

Far be it from me to get hurt by others - but I do.

Far be it from me to punish them for their actions - but I do.

Far be it from me to forget Jesus already took the punishment - but I do.

Minor frustrations, they may be, but the consequences for those actions were major. The consequence was a cross. It was a crucifixion and a death and a pouring out of punishment on the One who is blameless.

So when I cry and complain and fret about life not being fair - please remind me that of course it's not fair. It wasn't fair that Jesus should die - but he did. It wasn't fair that he should take my place - but he did. It wasn't fair that I would be spared eternal punishment - but he did it.

"O Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption."

I've been listening to a lot of Pink's "Funhouse" CD this week - it gets me jazzed up for whatever adventure lies ahead - kicking butt and taking names or conquering the world ...or you know, it may just get me jazzed up for whatever my trip to the grocery store will hold. Eh, tomato, tomahto.

So anyways, as I sit here trying to write a blog post today, one part of Pink's song "Please Don't Leave Me" keeps echoing in my head. Except, instead of asking, "How did I get so obnoxious?" I just keep wondering, "How did I get so boring?" Instead of regaling you, my dear blog readers, with witty tales of this oh-so-exciting life I lead, all I can do is apologize for being so boring and beg, along with Pink: "Please don't leave me." I thrive off your blog-love and comments. (Don't judge me - I'm working on thriving off just Jesus.)

Although there has been lots of little victories at the VanderHouse this week, nothing is really blog-worthy. I think I am recognizing that two truly are better than one. In the beginning of this blog journey, I told you stories of how ridiculous and awkward our adventures as a married couple were. In the 15 months since we've been married, we have apparently started to tame both our individual and our collective ridiculousness and awkwardness. So, instead of stories of running into barriers or getting pulled over sans driver's license, all that comes to mind is to share about our meals or our activities, and that seem so....normal.

This used to be a funhouse but now it's full of evil clowns....(thanks for the just the right words again, Pink). So, rather than bore you to death with little ditties about where we went for A's birthday dinner this week, or how we were too tired at 8:30 to watch a movie to celebrate, or my first Zumba class that got me hooked (12 years behind the cool kids), I'll just suffice to say, "So what? I'm still a rockstar. I've got my rock moves, and I don't need you tonight."

Some days are more eventful than others. Some days have more blog fodder than others.

For example, yesterday I could have written a diatribe against hackers in Scranton, Pennsylvania and women who sit in the "ladies lounge" adjacent to the bathroom at work, but I didn't. It just didn't get written.

Today, I could write about things I'm excited about for the future, but I'm not sure I'm 100% ready to announce things in such a public domain.

I scoffed at someone for being too private the other day and not sharing happy news, but in reality, today I know how she feels. Some days I just don't have the energy to be excited, even when things are really exciting. Some days I just feel like weeping for no reason and a long nap and a glass of wine sounds like the best options ever.

Exciting news. Exhaustion. Weepy moods. Wine.

By this point, you were probably thinking that I'm pregnant and just hinting at it and then I probably made you gasp with the wine comment. No, I'm not pregnant. Yes, sometimes I find wine a delicious little treat. No, I will not mix wine with pregnancy whenever that happens.

So, there are some of my thoughts for the day. I think it's been too long of a week, but I'm still looking forward to a Christmas party tomorrow night. I'm sad to be saying goodbye to good friends this week, but anxiously awaiting Saturday morning when I'll get to sleep in. I'm looking forward to seeing family this month, but not relishing all of the driving, flying, money-spending traveling that it entails. Even in a dour, weepy mood like I'm in today though, I'm really really thankful for my Savior. Because the sinless Savior died, my sinful soul is counted free.

That's worth getting excited about. That's worth a toast ;)

Well, as many of you know, this weekend/week was supposed to go something like this:

Drop A off at the airport
Pick a good friend up from airport
Go to the International Festival w/ her
Go to Ocean Isle, NC for a high school friend's wedding
Have lunch with my parents
Fly to Haiti for the week

Instead, plans changed. The only thing that stayed the same was my friend coming in and my parents taking me to lunch. I started feeling bad Friday morning and by Saturday afternoon, was at the Urgent Care getting a diagnosis of strep. Thankfully, my parents were about an hour away, so while my friend had taken my car to go to the wedding, they came over to take care of me and hang out with me while I was sick and weepy.

Yesterday I had to make another tough decision and decided that since I was still feeling so yucky, I wouldn't be going to Haiti. I was supposed to go to cover a mission trip for work, but with a 5am departure set for this morning, and an elevated temperature and sore throat remaining, decided to "bag it," as my boss said.

So, with that, I find myself with some time to sit and read, pray and study. A and I really wanted to make this week one of searching and praying and asking the Lord for guidance and direction on our future. We have been thinking about and praying about an opportunity for our ministry and our life, and really want to seek the Lord's face this week about that.

So with that, some thoughts from my crazy, weird and unexpected weekend:
-My husband is an unbelievable blessing, and I hate when we're apart
-I'm thankful for my parents, who urged me to go to the doctor and who came and fixed dinner for me, hung out with me, and took care of me when I was feeling so crappy
-A heartfelt "thank you" goes a long way
-I'm grateful for a job that provides opportunities like Haiti, but even more grateful for a boss who shows grace and understanding when I have strep
-Mostly, I'm thankful for my Lord who pursues me, loves me, showers me with grace, and has adopted me into his family. Jesus is my example of grace and through the Holy Spirit, I learn how to love others even when it's hard.

A few months ago, Thomas Nelson publishers sent me a copy of "The Hole in Our Gospel" by World Vision president Richard Stearns to read and review. Before becoming president of World Vision (a wonderful organization that aids the poverty-stricken around the world), he was a corporate climber and successful man.

I was interested to read the book because I recognize the need for believers to actively live out their faith by caring for "the least of these," something that is oft-neglected among evangelical Christians today.

However, I was a little disappointed in the book for a couple of reasons. Although it presented biblical truths (the need to care for orphans, widows and the poor), I felt it missed the fundamental truth. There is no "hole in our gospel." There is no good news, no gospel, but this: That a loving God created us in perfect union with Him. Our first parents - Adam and Eve - disobeyed and destroyed that perfect relationship. We have been disobeying the Lord ever since, but in his justness and mercy, he sent his Son, Jesus Christ, to take the punishment WE deserve by dying on horrible death and placing on his shoulders the iniquities of us all. But, death did not conquer God - he conquered death and because he died in our place and conquered death, we are restored to a right relationship with our loving Father. He has adopted us as His children, with the promise that we will are co-heirs with Christ.

It is THAT reality that motivates believers to do the things Rich Stearns talks about. Because God adopted us - who were different and wicked - and shared Christ's inheritance with us, we are motivated to adopt children. Because God gave abundantly - his Son and his life - we are motivated to give abundantly to those who have nothing. Because we have a relationship with the Great Physician, we are motivated to aid others who are sick and in need of assistance.

The Gospel is our motivation for these deeds and more - not an imperfect theology with a hole in it. To say that there is a hole in the Gospel, and that Christians are "expected" to do these things shows that there is no Gospel understanding at all. If we accept the death and resurrection of Christ on our behalf, that is all we need ever do. We are no more righteous before God if we sell everything and give to the poor than if we never do. However, because of God's great love and mercy to us, wicked sinners, we are motivated to image God to those who have never heard him. Social justice isn't the end-game - introducing people to Christ is. If I devote my life to feeding the poor and giving away my possessions out of guilt or a sense of obligation, but I don't tell them about the Treasure of the Gospel, there hasn't been a hole in my gospel, there has been no gospel at all.

The book is an interesting picture at the spiritual journey of Rich Stearns, and for those who want to better understand the plight of people around the world, it's worth reading. However, don't make the mistake of basing your worth before God by how much social justice you do - working your way toward God by doing good things makes your faith no different than people of any faith other than Biblical Christianity.

Sorry for the dry spell, dear friends. It's been a long, slow week at the Vanderburgs', and not necessarily in the best ways.

A got sick on Tuesday (or earlier, that's just when he really started hitting rock bottom) and so I've been trying to help get him well again. This is by far the sickest I've seen him - he missed work three days this week because he felt so awful, and that's been the second time he's called in sick in about 6 years he said. Luckily there are no perfect attendance awards in grown-up world, or I think he would have tried to push through just to say he did. However, with a 100+ degree fever, a horrible hacking cough and lots of headaches, I'm thankful he has been given a chance to rest.

Our little man-child John showed up yesterday. He's a former youth of A's from the church he was at in SC, and now, John's been accepted into the school where I work to go to college. He is so excited to be here and start. However, unlike most college kids I know, there is no big "move-in to the dorms" weekend for John - he's staying on our couch with some clothes and books until he talks to housing and gets moved in.

Tomorrow morning, hopefully, we'll go garage saleing and find some necessities for him before he moves into the dorms - pillow, sheets, bedding, lamps, folders for school, alarm clock, etc.

I've been a college student (not too long ago!) but honestly have no idea how to begin helping him shop for things for his dorm room. A) He's a boy, and boys and girls are fundamentally different in their decorating tastes B) We're starting from ground zero with stuff for him.

We joke a lot about John being our man-child, but honestly, I've never been that great with kids, and suddenly finding myself playing "mom" to someone that is 19 years old is kind of baffling. How do I translate my college experience: Two carloads of stuff, parents, color-coordinated sheets/bedding/decor, tearful goodbyes, etc., with helping this great kid start this phase of his life off right? He's not going to have his parents here to help move him into the dorm. He won't have carloads of stuff to move in. There won't be family with him at the family events, and my heart just breaks for the whole situation.

Pray for us this weekend as A recovers (or tries to) and as we try to figure out how to help this kid with this huge transition in his life. I am thankful that our Lord is bigger than sickness and bigger than college and that he cares for these two guys infinitely better than I will ever be able to.

Last night was the LOST finale. To say I (we, haha) both boo-hooed would be an understatement. Out of respect for blog readers that haven't seen it, all I'll say is that each flashback had me tearing up and crying, and the final LOST that flashed on the screen brought on the crocodile tears. It felt like I had lost a lot of close friends.

Although I disagree with the direction they took the show's worldview, it is a beautiful thing when you think about it: the stories of the lives of people who are flawed and in need of redemption find it through love. Just like the Lord's love for us frees us of our sinful pasts and allows us to move forward with purpose for the Kingdom, the characters' love for one another forgave past sins and gave them a purpose for life: sacrificial love and service for one another.

Anyways, it's weird (and sad) how much a part of our lives that show has become. In order to commemorate the ending of an era, I threw a little LOST party for A and I. He doesn't like theme parties usually, but I told him he didn't have to dress up at all. I took care of a few decorations, some themed food and a few party favors! If you watched the show, hopefully you'll understand! Namaste :)

In other media-related things, I am almost done with book #4 of the Eclipse series: Breaking Dawn. I'm not sure what I'll do when I'm through with the series, as I have enjoyed them immensely. I keep wanting to talk about it with my husband, but as he has sworn to never read the books, I'm at the mercy of the release of the movies. Speaking of which: June 30 is the next one. Woot! I'm pretty stinking excited :)

My thoughts, then, lately have seemed to focus on LOST, Twilight movies and Breaking Dawn. I have found myself getting caught up in these silly, make-believe stories and roaring through them. What is it that makes these stories, and others, so attractive? It shames me that as much time and energy I have put into reading reading about vampires and watching about island-dwellers, I have devoted less time to the greatest story of all: the Gospel.

There are, of course, parallels: The struggle of good vs. evil, alliances with those who are fundamentally different....the startling realization that people are all people - the same at the core, sacrificial love, redemption, the afterlife, and purpose.

So as I lose myself in these fictional stories, why do I forget to lose myself in the greatest story of all, the story of Jesus? It is THAT story that holds the answers to all the questions. It is THAT story that can capture my soul every day for the rest of eternity. What an incredible story: A perfect King with perfect motivation to destroy me for my wicked heart, but instead, loves me and sacrifices himself for me, so that I might find joy in Him and live forever enjoying the richness of his mercy.

What a beautiful story. What a beautiful ending to that story. What a beautiful Author and Creator.

You all probably remember me posting about our bed, with which we have had a love/hate relationship in the last 6 months since we bought it.

Initially, it was heaven, and we LOVED it. I still tend to think it's pretty great, but, thanks to the foam topper on it (part of the mattress), we're returning it. The top section of it has already developed dents and sags in it after only a few months. A has been waking up in pain every night pretty much since March or April. In fact, I found some reviews online, and it seems this is a recurring problem with this particular bed. However, for a bed that has crappy reviews on the website, has a no-holds barred return policy, and cost close to $1,000, you'd think we'd have a little more assistance getting it returned and exchanged.

Four employees of the particular place we bought it from have told me 4 different scenarios on what we can do to get it returned:
1) Bring it into the store ourselves and they'll refund us (it's a California King....). We will then have to order something new from their website, which will take approximately 3 weeks to get in, leaving us bed-less.
2) We can work out some kind of exchange where they bring us a different bed, pick up our old bed, and credit us/charge us for the transaction all at once (the ideal).
3) We pay shipping back on the bed, wait for a refund, then pay shipping on a new bed. By the way, on the website, it clearly states there is NO SHIPPING FEE. This same gentleman, helper #3, also never actually looked up my order or the beds we had been talking about - he only wanted to talk in terms of hypotheticals. Lame.
4) This was #3's supervisor b/c he was ticking me off. Supervisor tells me that what #1, #2 and #3 told me are all incorrect. Although the bed is defective and they don't sell it anymore, they can only do a straight exchange for the identical product which has been recently released with a new name and a clean slate. He then tells me if we want anything different, we cannot return it to the store ourselves, we must have Serta come pick it up, tell the store to credit us, and then order a new bed. In this scenario, we're looking at about 3 weeks without a bed. Fan-freaking-tastic.

I really just wish everyone could get their stories straight. That would be SO helpful.

So anyways, tonight, we're heading over to the store to ask them to order our desired bed to the store for us, without us paying for it, and we will then call for a pickup and refund of our old bed, hopefully leaving us bedless for only a night or two.

Thus, after a stressful day of phone calls about our bed, we decided to take advantage of the fact that we now have a pro ball player living with us, and get some free tickets to go see his game and watch him pitch. However, after dinner, we drove to the ball field, only to find out the box office had some sort of problem and didn't set aside the tickets for us :( Sad day. He definitely threw, too, and we missed it because we were too cheap to pay to get into the game. Ha. We salvaged the night by walking around downtown Durham in the old tobacco factory area, looking at the fountains and hanging out. Right before we got in the car, I was admiring some pretty flowers and A went to cut a chunk off for me.

Whoops - turned out they were roses with some pretty nasty thorns. He laid a finger right into a big thorn! Sorry, babe :( So, no flowers, no baseball game and no comfort in sleep. I'm glad the Lord is sovereign and that these are INCREDIBLY petty issues in the big scheme of things. I'm thankful that even when our backs hurt, our plans are foiled and our fingers are stabbed, that the Lord is who he is and that we are his.

Hi friends - Just wanted to share a link to some pictures from the flood in middle and west Tennessee over the weekend.

I went to college in Jackson, TN and spent a lot of time in Nashville, so it really saddens me to see parts of both cities so devastated by water. Makes you think of the flood God sent so many years ago - the greatest natural disaster in all of human history. When we see pictures of this flood, let it be a reminder to us of God's mercy and grace - first to Noah and his family for sparing them and using them to bring forth the Deliverer. Secondly, let us remember the mercy and grace of God in his promise that "He makes everything new," and he will, once again, give new life to His people, even in the midst of tragedies.

Here's the link.

Let's remember to pray for Tennesseeans, that God would open their eyes to the opportunity they still have to turn to him and cry out for mercy.

It's a tough world out there, and even more painful when you have a 6'8'' husband who inflicts pain on both himself and others.

Last week I commented to A that for some reason, my left ankle has been hurting unexpectedly. It's not like I've been exercising (mono), so I had no idea how or why I had hurt it. I only knew that several mornings when I took our dog, Ben, out to the bathroom, it was tender and stiff to walk on.

After I mentioned this, A paused and looked thoughtful for a minute.

"I might be doing it to you," he said. "Which ankle is it?"

I told him it was my left ankle, also known as the one closest to him in bed. *Lightbulb*

"Sometimes you sleep crooked. Like, your body is far away, but your legs are stretched out close to me. I know I've accidentally kicked you a few times lately when your legs were there and I didn't know it." Apparently, I don't wake up or notice being assaulted in my sleep. That is not comforting news.

However, he also unwittingly inflicts pain on himself. Take last night for example. I was in the bedroom folding clothes and he was at our dining room table working on the budget when I heard him yell and start muttering. I went out to see what was the matter and found my beloved laying in the corner with his head cocked awkwardly against both walls - sitting still after he broke one of our dining room chairs. Geez, Fatty. Kidding :)

The chair just crumbled underneath him, and being that he's so tall, his already-prone-to-pain back and neck suffered some serious discomfort from his little tumble. I wanted to comfort him, but didn't know quite what to say. I thought about telling him how I used to fall out of chairs all the time, but it was never because they broke when I sat down. I was never heavy enough for that :)

So anyways, we're going to try and start working out together tonight to get our bodies in better shape. We've been busy and eating poorly and sickly, so it hasn't been a priority, at least for me. He has been more disciplined. Obviously, our bodies could use a little more beating up (of the intentional sort) so that A doesn't break any more chairs or break my ankle. We want to be better stewards of our body so that those who don't know the Lord won't be turned off at the vision of His temple before they ever hear word of His salvation.

Speaking of salvation, yesterday was Resurrection Day (also known as Easter), and it was a great one for the Vanderburgs. We both really enjoyed serving coffee together at some of the services at our church, listening to a great message about the Gospel (four words: Jesus in my place), and then celebrating with over 90 people who decided to get baptized in big tanks in the field. It was a blessing to be there and see how God worked and got the glory. Afterward, we enjoyed lunch/dinner at Cheesecake Factory (2-year tradition now!). All in all, a fabulous first Easter for the Vanderburgs :)

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go.

Today is the first "full" day of work for me in a long time - like two weeks. Considering that my Tuesdays are short b/c of doctor's visits each week, I guess it really can't be considered a full day. Even yesterday, after over-doing it cleaning on Sunday, was too difficult for me and I lasted a grand total of about 11 hours - from 10:30 to 9:30. So technically, tomorrow (if I last all day!) will be my first really full day at work in 3 weeks. That. is. crazy.

If you aren't aware, I got bitten by the mono bug a few weeks ago and have been down and out for a while. (I'm kidding - there is no bug that gives you mono. Don't freak out.) In all of my free time, you may be asking, what have we been up to? Not a whole lot exciting going on here, that's for sure.

I would sleep most days until 10:30 or 11, and get up and take my time getting ready in the morning. I'd read, spend some time in the Word, eat lunch and take a nap. Afternoons brought A home from either the bookstore where he studies or his new job at Bruegger's, which he goes to at 4:30 a.m.

We'd hang out, eat dinner (I haven't been cooking well for him lately though, it feels like) and then watch TV. About 10, I'd be ready to crash again. Thankfully, the Lord blessed me with mono during March Madness, so there has been a lot on TV to watch, basketball-wise. We've also rented several movies (had a mini-Bond marathon) and eaten a lot of junk food.

I'd take the opportunity of being at home to clean a lot and sometimes cook something new and different. Thus far, we've seen a Funfetti cake, fresh guacamole, chocolate chip muffins, banana bread and more grace the tops of our counters. Add to that the fact that I am a slug and haven't been doing hardly any physical activity (unless you count taking out the dog) and I am packing on the pounds again. Ugh.

So yeah, there's our March recap, I guess. The fever hit hard and strong on the 11th, after following days of stomach issues, so it really has been the entire month almost. I miss spring-time :( I miss feeling healthy and romping in the sunshine. Dear Lord, please help me feel 100% again soon.

So there you go. Sorry for the blog silence, but I didn't want to overdose you all on "boring". Hope you've all had a good March and enjoyed the basketball, sunshine and good health!

Yesterday was the first day of March, so you know what that means - more snow....Yup. Instead of balmy spring weather, the forecast for our area is for snow tonight. I know it makes my Wyoming boy happy to see weather like this, so I'm okay with the snow, but I'm sure looking forward to spring time.

I can't wait to be able to walk barefoot and be comfortable, to sit outside on the deck and soak up the sunshine. I'm looking forward to family days where we can take Benny to the lake or the river and enjoy being outside together. I'm looking forward to being semi-tan and having someone to go to the pool with me.

Speaking of pool and the outside, Ben loves to be on the deck, and the only time he fusses is if he sees A walking to the weight room. Apparently that was the case this morning, when he sang a sad little song from his lookout, prompting the leasing agent to call me and tell me Ben wasn't allowed to be on the deck unsupervised, and she noticed he was because he was howling... What is it with my dog and decks? First I get threatened to have animal control called on me about him, and now he's not allowed to stay outside at all?! Ridiculous.

Also in the vein of the outdoors and weather - I've been thinking lately about how treacherous the weather is in February. 2 years ago, my alma mater Union was hit by a horrible tornado that, miraculously, didn't kill anyone. This year, we have seen the devastation in Haiti and Chile, caused by earthquakes. I know the Lord is sovereign and he is good, so is it possible these are tools to call people unto Himself, or are they only the result of living in a fallen world, riddled with sin?

Sorry my thoughts are so random and scattered. This is more "stream of consciousness" than I usually like to do, but honestly, I'm not feeling so great and it's hard for me to think logically and completely coherently at the moment. If you want, you can blame it on me being blond. I don't mind.

Speaking of being blond, I've been wanting to dye my hair dark but need someone to do it for me. Anyone with any experience care to tackle my mane? Maybe that will help the thoughts flow better - who knows?