The first "lasts"

A wise country-music songwriter once said the only thing that stays the same is everything changes, everything chay-ay-nges... Last night, maybe for the first time, the impact of what's about to happen really hit me. Even though we've been thinking about and planning and talking about this move to Denver for months now, even though we've already begun selling things, and trashing crap and packing our belongings, last night I got a good strong sense of, "Oh my gosh. What are we doing?"

I had my last Raleigh hair appointment this weekend. When they asked about a follow-up appointment, I told them I was moving, so there was no need. I had my last teeth cleaning here in Raleigh yesterday. (Unfortunately, it wasn't my last time going - I need one more filling, they say.) Tomorrow, my Dad arrives in town for his last time to visit me in NC. Aside from this weekend with him, when we begin counting weekends on the calender, there are very few left in RDU for the Vanderburgs.

I'm not sad to be moving from our apartment, although it was our first home together. That makes me nostalgic, but it already doesn't look or feel like our home anymore. I'm not sad to be leaving my job here, although it has provided incredible opportunities for growth. I'm not even sad to say goodbye to this city - Raleigh hasn't really rung my bell in a while.

I am sad for the relationships I know are coming to an end. Despite my best efforts (and to be honest, some really, really crappy efforts on my part) dear friendships and relationships have already begun to change and wane. That makes me sad. For months, I've been able to believe that soon, I'll get to spend time with people I haven't seen in a while. Soon, we'll get to rekindle those friendships.

The reality is, though, everything changes. My friendships have changed. I've changed. And it's time to face the facts that things won't go back to they way they were, and that's a good thing.

They say in your entire life, you really only have a few close friends. Does that make anyone else sad? When I was in college, I thought a lot of those girls would be my best friends for life. Only a few years down the road, I realize how naive that was. Without physical proximity, it is so difficult to maintain those close bonds. Sometimes, even WITH physical proximity, it's really difficult to maintain those close bonds. I wish I could say that fact has made me fight that much harder for my close friendships, but the reality is, I haven't. And that makes me sad.

Knowing I'm leaving behind 4 years of my life in this place, 4 years of friends and bonds and learning and growth, 4 years of settling into a routine and a comfortable existence, makes me a little melancholy, but it also makes me really, really excited.

When we got married, A moved here, where I had been living as a single lady for 2+ years, from South Carolina. Since then, it often hasn't felt like this life was one we shared, but rather one I let him into. It's time to forge new territory. Our next home, jobs, city and friends will be ours together. We'll learn to adjust together.

People have begun asking me how I'm feeling about the fact that in a few weeks' time - everything will change. I'm OK. I'm sad to say goodbye, but I know the goodbyes began a long time ago. The hellos are about to begin, and it's an adventure I can't wait to take together.



Matt and Lindsay Bledsoe said...

I'm excited for you too! I really am :) It is sad that friendships grow apart with distance, time etc, and I've been having a hard time with that lately, but you're right, it's part of life and new relationships are yet to be made. Love you!

Ginny Alley McCullough said...

The good news is, you and I have never really lived in the same place and we're still friends :) I think we are pretty good at our long distance relationship. Let's keep it up!

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I'm a 20-something transplanted Southerner - in love with my Savior and in love with my husband. As we move from urban-loft dwellers to home-owners and parents, feel free to share in the happenings around the VanderHouse.

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